If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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