we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
