i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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