lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
