"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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