is your mom at the bar?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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