yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
