and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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