So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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