Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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