this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
