You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
3pm strippers are depressing
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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