So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
