did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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