Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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