two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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