im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am naked and annoyed.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize