I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
