Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
