Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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