And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
