Non-Jews are for practice
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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