Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
