He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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