Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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