My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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