my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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