Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
