So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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