There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We smell like vodka and hangover
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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