I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
