her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize