I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
