And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
