I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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