A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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