The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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