whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
