margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
