Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
