whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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