i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
