better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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