after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
