Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
