i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I intend to get homeless drunk
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
