im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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