Kiss
Puke
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
