Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
