last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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