i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
