I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
