Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
