porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
