That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
