my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This baby is an asshole
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
