Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
