a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
