i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
