Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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