dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
