I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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