this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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