I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
