areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
