As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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