He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
