I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
