Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Randomize
